I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
