I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
