someone threw a dead crab at me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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