Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
