I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
