weddingsv make me drug and hornr
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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