He uses pillows to masturbate.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
