you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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