just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
