You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
