I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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