i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
