If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
