Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
