my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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