I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize