God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
