i may or may not be watching the land before time
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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