I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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