very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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