I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
