I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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