My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
