I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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