Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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