we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
