Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
