News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
