U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize