My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
