i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
