SEEEEXXX PLEASE
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
