Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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