worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
