i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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