Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
