I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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