dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
