THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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