Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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