we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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