Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
