people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
