I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
