Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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