is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
