I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
