No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
