You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
