She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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