I have demons in me.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
