You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
