My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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