This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
