I think I won the penis lottery.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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