You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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