Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
