I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Green mimosas i think yes
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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