You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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