Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
