My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
