Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
