woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We're too hungover to prance.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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