You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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