so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
