I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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