Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
