one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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