Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
