What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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