hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
