Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
